Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Self sabotage and blog black hole

Some people may have noticed the absence of the blog since Saturday I must confess I have been struck by a lack of desire to do much more than eat junk food and sit on the sofa feeling meh. I do struggle with depression and whilst 99.99% of the time the medication works and I feel fine I think my lack of hand improvement got to me.

Saturday night the munchies attacked and I had a few too many syns but I wrote them down...unfortunately it seems that was the slippery slope for me. 

Sunday I woke up with good intentions. I wanted baked beans and I wanted mushrooms and bread so I had all of that. 

Mushrooms and courgettes are my favourite combo right now and I have been having them a fair bit. I sat down to watch the night befores xfactor and my tv officially died. This did not put me in a good news so I wandered off to find Rich to moan about it.  Not only is it only a few weeks before christmas to have to consider purchasing a new one it is also a right pain in the butt but me and Rich plodded off to Tesco and got what turned out to be a bargainous tv. Its weird as the picture is HD ready and such good quality so now shows like masterchef are making me want to lick the TV....don't judge me okay.

Lunch was a lazy affair as I was already not feeling right so I went for a cheesy pasta type dish

Its just frozen mixed veg with mushrooms but I also added in some kerry low low cheese with black pepper and it was gorgeous and so filling. That was followed by fruit and yoghurt.

Somewhere between this meal and dinnertime to beast hit me and I decided we were having takeaway. Not the best idea I just didn't want to cook. I know now that now better choices should have been made but you do live and learn.

So monday I woke up thinking I better get my butt on plan so breakfast was just that

I stuffed the mushrooms with a linda mccartney rosemary and red onion sausage and topped with some of my healthy extra of cheese. I chucked the rest into the veg mix and it went down well. Then my hand began to hurt and I began to eat junk. Im sure some of you understand this and I wish I knew why we sabotage ourselves like this. I did kick myself and decided to make a veg soup which was a disaster...it was gross and brown and icky so I then made a butternut squash and sweet potato soup

It was okay but not fab...

I had to go to the bank in the afternoon and had planned dinner but when Rich got home we were checking finances to discover his account had been hacked. Its funny now as the only purchase was in a flower shop but it was stressful sorting it out and by the time we had it was easier to call for yet another takeaway. It was nice whilst we ate it but after I felt so bloated and crap I ended up in bed by 9am.

This morning I woke up feeling better than I had done in a few days but decided to keep the meals simple today. On plan but nothing challenging

Breakfast was 40g of dorset fruit muesli with fruit and yoghurt

Plus a big jug of water and coffee

I'm a coffee monster so this is my normal morning start.

Lunch was soup again as I knew I had a bus journey into town so I made leek and potato soup which was gorgeous

The recipe is so simple

700g potatoes peeled and finely diced
2 Leeks
One large onion
1 litre of vegetable stock

I added garlic too it and it turned out great.

After this it was time  head out and go to my hospital appointment. My stitches have now been removed but unfortunately I am not allowed back to work until the 27th December so got another two and half weeks of relaxing time. More time with Doug though which is always good. After my appointment I was feeling a tad down because I wanted to go back to work so I was entering danger territory after the last few days. I had to go to boots for hand cream for my bad hand and I was tempted by the chocolate in there but I got my cream and a bottle of pepsi max and left. I was quite chuffed with myself.

My christmas tree arrived this evening so tomorrow I will be making that look pretty. Dinner we kept simple again and it was cheesy pasta. I mixed some low low into the pasta with the veg and chucked low low on top. It was very filling and has so far kept me out of trouble. I have also busied myself by looking at my healthy extras a bit more. A friend has lost a stonking 8lbs tonight (she is awesome) and last week mixed up her healthy extras as like me she has a lot of cheese and it was a good boost it seems so I had a look at the list and decided to make a concerted effort to try the healthy extras I don't normally try.

I am expecting the worst tomorrow I had 1.5lbs to go to my 3 stone but doubt I will get that. I hope for a maintain but expect a gain. I will not be doing my normal wi bubble treat tomorrow as I've had enough of those this week.

So that's all from me for now I am going to finish torturing myself with the football and then an early night I think. I am reading a great book called The Snow Child and want to read more now


  1. Whatever happens at weigh in tomorrow, it's done ___________________________

    There, line drawn :) Don't beat yourself up for being poorly and feeling crap, you've done so well to keep on plan as much as you have with a bad hand, as for the depression, I'm just coming out of the other side, and it's all too easy to slip back in, so don't let a simple human need for an easy meal affect you.

    I can't wait to see your tree btw, we'll need pictures tomorrow xxx

  2. Thanks hunni xx I think I need to learn not to beat myself up as much x I can't wait to do the tree just having a Red Drawf session first xx